SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
