Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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