I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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