Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
honey bunches of taint.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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