then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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