i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize