who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
