you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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