Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize