She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
