I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
