This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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