That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
