you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
