I just pynch a tree in the face
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
