ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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