I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
