Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
