i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
