found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
