9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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