hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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