I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
