I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
