My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
