I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
