Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
worst night to have a conscience
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
