After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
this hospital has no fireball
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize