i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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