OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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