Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
