im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
