if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize