Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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