After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
