Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
