Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I understand Curling. That high.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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