My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
