Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
