after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
