But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize