You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
