Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
