Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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