Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
