I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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