Plan B is the new Plan A
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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