you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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