STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
