I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
