based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
