hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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