When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
