No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
