What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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