you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I am full of burrito and curiosity
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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