i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
