Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
