Fine. I'll sleep in my office
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
