Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
