I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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