So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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